no one will ever know my pain. no one will ever know why i lie, or why i never tell it how it is. 

i refuse to find out why i said things, and i refuse to accept why i did things, but its all in the past now, and i am just waiting. i'm simply waiting for it to fade away, to get lost in the abyss of complete nothingness that i will one day call 'us'. i will admit, i don't know how i have come this far. and i will admit i am very proud that people have my back. but i don't understand why its takes so long? why cant it be like the chicken pox that only happens once in life? because i know this is not the last time i will feel like this. and i am dreading for the day that it comes fresh again.