I know i'm not suppose to care about him, but honestly its hard. Considering the fact that we had over a year of history together, i don't think i'll ever forget him. And despite all of my attempts to ignore the fact that i made a giant mistake that i regret, i have to move on. But i don't think my struggle is a free ticket for everyone round to me start shoving his happiness in my face. It breaks my heart every time i catch Atiana secretly talking about how their their texting conversations are all lovey dovey. I hate her with a dying passion because she is the one who told me to never give up on him, and how am i going to do that when she has him in her arms? I still have the same nightmares from nine months ago, and you would of thunk that they would have faded away. In reality i don't think anything has faded away for me, i still remember every last detail about every moment i spent with him. From the time of day, to the way he hugged me, it all still burns in my heart.

And i know he has already forgotten about those moments that i cherish and keep close to my heart, i wouldn't blame him, i guess that's the least he could have done after the pain i put him through. I would have the done the same if a girl i loved so much dumped me out of the blue for no reason, and then advised me that it would be better if i waited two years to love her again. i think i would have responded with "no i love you now and forever or i wont be here ever." but i guess not every one is the same. I still remember him begging for a last kiss, and i still remember my cold response. No matter how badly i wanted i knew that telling him no was the way to rip off the band-aide in one pull.  I remember his heart breaking when i told him he was better off without me, and it still haunts me. I guess there is nothing left to do but gather up all my pride and walk away. because i know he wont be there to hug me and take me back the day i turn eighteen like he promised me he would. but who is really counting those 500+ days left for my turning of age? All i know is that i have to forget because even though he says i'm important he always seems to easily brush me off. I guess the only one i can really blame for my heart break is me, because i have once again managed to ruin everything.