i just cant. i do not know... its ugh. WHY!? can it possibly be? all over again? after all this time. is there a possible chance that its still alive, that he out of all people, triggered it? if so, then i don't know what to say. honestly i cant believe that someone like him has... stuff. and i...... cant.... and. Lord! 

just stop please, please, i ugh! >.< 

i shouldn't be like this. it shouldn't exist, this "liking" its i don't know i need to stop. its not good for me. but i need to find out i need to see if its real, the temptation kills. but i guess i need to learn how to deal with it. >.<